struggles of love.

why can't i love you in slow motion,
take my time, take away the pressure on my mind
really get to know you, but rewind
wanna love you in slow motion..

i hate blogs and i blame someone for giving me the idea of even starting one. but than i love her ten times more. today was the worse day and the one person i thought i was going to be with feels as though were already at a distance before we really even established something. i felt it since last week and maybe i made the mistake of allowing my emotions to be all over the place and not focusing on my true feelings. i feel as though i am lying to myself about what i truly want and whom i truly want to be with. i guess i should slightly let go of something that will never be. this leads to holding back all the emotions and feelings that i once shared.

i think i have falling for someone, but i will never tell =) only time will tell before my feelings are exposed. of course its hard to even express to anyone, because they never take me seriously or they use it against me somehow or just done care. i dont know i just simply love them regardless of how much they piss me off and how much they get on my nerves. i keep having dreams about them =x which is always a sign, especially if you never had one about someone your suppose to be focusing on. i guess i should consider following the signs at least, but not fall to hard.

i cant say that im happy, but karma is in affect for someone that i once liked. they played me big time and left me with a broken-heart. at the same time im trying to be there for them in this crucial critical time they are going through at the moment. sad part about it is the fact that she has a girl, still flirts with people on myspace and still flirts with me saying she wants it and all this and her girl don't know. i brought up her girl once and she got quiet and that was the end of the conversation. i just find it highly upsetting when you broke my heart, your with this new one, but yet your still playing. thinking about it pisses me off, so im done talking about her specifically.

closing this blog with many thoughts that linger in the mind.

love games.

yes to anything you need and yes your where i want to be.

don't you know i love you so, your everything i need more
never want to let you go.

anyways its been a couple of days since i have written a blog. the last one i wrote i was hurt and from that i have grown from those emotions/feelings. worse part about it is i still associate myself with the person who did the damage. why? i don't know i tend to still remain close lowkey. tonight me and my future are having another conversation, i'm at the point where i feel like maybe this isn't right for me. i honestly don't even know what to feel right now, except i have feelings for someone else.

i think ive falling for someone, someone whom ive always loved, someone who i know will be there for me and if we were together they would be my main focus. than i get lost and confused with my feelings and emotions on whether its a rush to fill a empty heart or true love that needs to be ignited again to burn for eternity. i refuse to put myself in that whole predicament again, i don't want to look foolish for going after something and it wasn't meant to be, it gives my close friends the opportunity to say "i told you so." only one person understands me and we barely talk, but she respects and sees what i see about my true feelings about the person i would consider to only be with. only time will tell whether they would consider being with me again or remain friends. i said i don't like play guessing games, ill eventually let it go and finally move on.

as of my new potential future, we click and understand things like its nothing. even though ive been interrogated with questions from personal to what i like in a person. i guess there's no reason to complain that we have this slight capability. the words "i love you" has been said, i stopped saying it, i feel like i shouldn't, one moment she was saying it the next she stopped than i was questioned with "when are we gonna stop playing this i love you babe game" [pause] one who was playing anything, two ...you said it first and it was almost like i was obligated to say it too, but when i say it i meant it. anything i say i mean, but maybe its the fact that she feels "rejected" because i never said yes to her asking me out. personally i feel rushed and if anything i don't want to be rushed. i never reject i just don't want to go around dating people and having a huge trail of exs' sorry if i still love my past, but hopefully she will accept that and not allow jealousy get in the way of that.

closing this blog with lost emotions. i know what i want and who, but afraid to pursue it. at the end i guess we will see what the end results would be. i could honestly say i am ready to settle down again and leave the single life behind. but than i would be lying to myself, but i think i am. i have a lot to give, in school with goals that are endless and opportunities that i am grateful for the only thing missing is that special someone to share it with all.